


it scares me, being alone

by LisasMusings



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Family, Hurt, M/M, Prison, Roberts Inner Monologue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:56:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24577183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LisasMusings/pseuds/LisasMusings
Summary: *inspired by recent spoilers*robert writes a letter to aaron from prison.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle & Liv Flaherty & Robert Sugden, Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 10
Kudos: 42





	it scares me, being alone

_My Husband, Aaron Sugden-Dingle_   
  
_I haven’t been much of a husband as of late. And for that, I am truly deeply sorry._   
  
_I’ve made many mistakes. You don’t need any reminders…you’ve experienced your fair share of my mistakes first hand._   
  
_I keep promising myself that I’m not going to hurt you again. That I will be the best boyfriend, fiancé, husband, friend to you. Yet I let you down every single time. I could hear everything. Everything you were saying about Lee, and our family, and Vic. You’re right though, I just wasn’t listening. I made more than a mistake this time. What happened blew my entire world up. But it also blew up yours, Liv’s, Seb’s, Vic’s. And for that, I am so so sorry._   
  
_~~I had just started to figure everything out. Properly this time. And then this…~~ _   
  
_You deserve better than this, y’know?_   
  
_You never would have been happy. You’ve tried the whole France thing before…  
Taking you down with me would’ve created a shift between us that we’d never be able to come back from. I just couldn’t do that to you. You belong in Emmerdale. Our entire family is in Emmerdale. They need you. _   
  
_And I guess that’s part of the reason why I didn’t tell you about the move during our last visit. You’d have followed me anywhere, I know you too well. But what’s the point in any of it Aaron, if you’re not happy? All I’ve ever wanted to do is make you happy._   
  
_Being here alone though. I can’t lie. It’s so hard Aaron. It’s so hard. I hate being alone. I know what I did was cruel. But you wouldn’t have listened, and I didn’t want our last time together to be spent with you upset and mad at me. You were so positive. Making me laugh. Being so unbelievably strong._   
  
_I spend my days channelling that. Honestly, it’s not been bad so far. Same couldn’t be said for what you went through. Whenever it feels too much. Like I can’t breathe. I think of you. And our little perfectly messed up family. And I remember why I’m doing this._   
  
~~_I love you._ ~~   
  
~~_I love you._ ~~   
  
_~~I love you.~~ _   
  
_It scares me being alone, Aaron. Prison terrifies me. But you know what terrifies me more? You. You being upset, self-destructing. Not living the life that you should be living. You have your whole future ahead of you. And I refuse to be the person who takes that away from you. I’ve done enough of that._   
  
_I’ve had plenty of time in here to think. And y’know what. I’ve been so lucky. That I even got to be loved by you, even a little bit. And that’ll be what keeps me going. I’ll never forget it Aaron. And I never want you to forget me. But I don’t want to hold you back anymore._   
  
_So, please…your heart is so big. There’s room in there for others. Love again Aaron. Someone who isn’t going to make the same mistakes I have made. Someone who is going to do everything in their power to know you inside and out, and make you happy. Someone to push your buttons every so often, deep down you like a challenge._   
  
_I’ve never been one to tell you what to do. The whole village knows that. All I ask, is that you give it a try. Because knowing this is a clean break…it means more to me that you realise. Something I’ve been questioning myself over and over…remember when we got back together? The last time? I said that if I lost you again, I couldn’t handle it._   
  
_Well, the thing is Aaron. I can’t lose you if I let you go._   
  
_So, selfishly (and dare I say, completely in character) I need you to let me do this. If I’m going to survive this…I’m so sorry._   
  
_I went about it all wrong, I know Aaron. I know. You don’t deserve it any of it._   
  
_Be happy. And tell Liv and Seb that I love them. I didn’t mean to be such a disaster._   
  
_My solicitor received your papers – it seemed heartless Aaron, I know._   
  
_But hopefully…hopefully, this explains everything a little better._   
  
_It’s okay if you hate me for that. I get it._   
  
_Just please._   
  
_Don’t forget about me completely._   
  
_The best friend you’ve ever had,_   
_Robert Sugden-Dingle x_   
  
_Ps. You know? ~~I know.~~_

**Author's Note:**

> so turns out I have a lot of feelings about this stupid soap couple even though they're not on my screen anymore. it's been driving me around the twist. I've been meaning to write something about the boys again for so long. this really isn't the best - but listening to the love that we stole and just doing some cathartic typing trying to understand robert's brain was fun. 
> 
> itsbeaconhillsbaby on tumblr, if you wanna say hi x


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